[NOTE: this was posted a while back, but I wanted to revisit it]
The first time I read the last few pages of G. K. Chesterton's Orthodoxy, my heart pounded in awe. If you haven't gone out and bought a copy after reading the last two posts, I hope you will after reading this one.
Most of us are born upside down. I propose God planned that huge metaphor, wondering if some of us would "get"it. Some of us are born breech, but we'll excuse that small exception to the rule. Chesterton wrote: "All the real argument about religion turns on the question of whether a man who was born upside down can tell when he comes right way up. The paradox of Christianity is that the ordinary condition of man is not his sane or sensible condition; that the normal itself is an abnormality."
He sums up his book focusing on the ultimate idea of joy. Once again, he presents a thought I had never considered, but once I read it, made me say yes! He compares the joy of a pagan--or let's call him an unbeliever or one who doesn't know Christ--to the Christian in the matter of joy. "To the pagan," he says, "the small things are as sweet as the small brooks breaking out of the mountain; but the broad things are as bitter than the sea. When the pagan looks at the very core of the cosmos he is struck cold . . . . The mass of men have been forced to be gay about the little things, but sad about the big ones." What is he saying? That for the agnostic, joy is confined to small, fleeting moments of time: the birth of a child, a wedding, graduation day. The rest of a pagan's life is a great sadness and grief; its "desolation is spread through an unthinkable eternity." I lived most of my life that way: waiting for those small, isolated instances of joy, working hard toward some nebulous day in the future when I would be truly happy--when I won the lottery, or made a killing on my first bestselling novel, or married the perfect man, fill in the blanks, add your own wishes to the list. This is the way of most people in the world. Wanting, hoping, wishing, and maybe, at the end of life, looking back on a few treasured memories, little tiny pockets of isolated joys.
Conversely, for a Christian, grief and sorrow are small pockets in the big scheme of things. Melancholy "should be an innocent interlude." He says man is more himself when joy is the fundamental thing in him, and grief the superficial. This is what he means by being born topsy-turvy. "Christianity satisfies suddenly and perfectly man's ancestral instinct for being the right way up; satisfies it supremely in this: that by its creed, joy becomes something gigantic and sadness something special and small. The silence [above us] is not the heartless silence of an endless and aimless world. Rather the silence is a small and pitiful stillness like the prompt stillness in a sick-room." He emphasizes this: "Joy . . . is the gigantic secret of the Christian."
Sure, we suffer small moments of pain in this very brief, futile life we live. The Apostle Paul says the creation was subjected to futility by God for one reason--to learn hope. He calls this life a slight affliction that is momentary and light. Even the most horrific things we can think of--losing a loved one, suffering a debilitating injury or illness--in the light of eternity with God in a perfect world, reduce down to a small, little sadness. Can you imagine having to live your short life with the pain of losing a child in an accident? How will you reflect on that life, six billion years from now, when pain, mourning, death are all memories like the wisp of a dream upon awakening?
I heard a pastor once describe our lives here on earth as a kind of pregnancy. Like being in the womb, we spend a short time in the dark, completely clueless, preparing for the life--the real life--to come, where we will see truly, experience the bigger world. So it is with us now, here on earth. We are preparing to strip off mortality for immortality, corruption for incorruption, to be born into real life, something we, in our blind, dark wombs, cannot barely fathom. We are not just biding our time, but God is teaching, training, and molding us into the image of His son. That way, when we enter the kingdom, we won't suffer shock.
Chesterton writes: "We are perhaps permitted tragedy as a sort of merciful comedy: because the frantic energy of divine things would knock us down like a drunken farce. We can take our own tears more lightly than we could take the tremendous levities of the angels . . . perhaps the laughter of the heavens is too loud for us to hear."
Friday, June 12, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
History as Mystery
As I stare down the imposing novel I am attempting to write, Conundrum, I wield my vorpal sword in hand. Snicker-snack it goes, one two!...oh wait, that's used to fight the Jabberwock, my son... Jabberwocky and many other poems are finding their home in my new novel, an unravelling mystery based upon the bizarre tailings of my father's death in 1961. Usually I have no problem plowing through my index cards of scenes, progressing steadily to the finish. But this work is an unruly child, full of deceit and intent on pain.
So, I'm taking it slowly. My past response to trauma and conflict in my family has always been stupor. After a big fight, all I could do was curl up in a small dark space and sleep. My mind would go numb and I found it difficult to think of anything at all. So, I encounter this strange haze I must fight to write this book. Not only is it huge in scope, theme, and plot, but my heart goal is to explore betrayal, of which I am the foremost expert (I say with undaunted confidence), and somehow make this story resound in grace and redemption.
I think I've grown beyond anger and the desire to retaliate. I think I've been blessed with a forgiving spirit, in answer to my prayers. I didn't choose to write this book--God woke me up at 3 a.m. a month ago (after praying for days about what to write next. I really wanted to get back to talking pigs and hoptoads, but God knows the plans he has for me.) When I woke, I saw clearly my first chapter--everything in it--the themes, the subthemes, the setting, the protagonist (me, mostly), and the title of the book.
Conundrums are brain teasers, puzzles. My brothers and I spent years quizzing and challenging each other to solve these strange scenarios that made no sense. Clearly, I couldn't have picked a more apropos title (thank you, Father!) for the insoluble mystery surrounding my father's death. For how can someone just decide one day to die, and give himself leukemia? But that is one of the stories I was told after my father died at age 33, leaving my mother to raise three small children. I was later told he--a mathematician at Lockheed--had for some reason volunteered for a dangerous experiment. Supposedly others in his department had volunteered and they all died shortly thereafter of leukemia.
It wasn't until this year that I started questioning and researching. Which led me to reconnect with my uncle--my father's only blood brother--to learn more. He never heard of such an experiment, and was close to my father. He sent me an enigmatic letter my dad had written before he died, revealing that the fairy tale marriage between my parents was a sham and a cause of great pain for him. Of course, Lockheed and the government tell me no such experiments took place. But as I prepare to fly out to NY this month to see my uncle and cousin and learn all I can about my father (of whom I know almost nothing), I've turned this personal history into a mystery that will find no clear solution, because real life is like that. Everyone in this book either lies or has been lied to. And although my protagonist wants to save her suicidal brother with truth from their past, she finds she can only save herself, and by the skin of her teeth.
So, this inner and outer journey blurs the line of truth for me as I weave fact into fiction. On this side of Paradise, I doubt I will ever know the truth. I hope someday I will be reunited with the father I never knew--and then I will hear his story. For now, my hope is that I will produce a book that will help others who have been betrayed by their family, reveal something about bipolar depression, and pray that something redemptive will rise from the ashes of my own pain.
Sometimes I wonder why God moves us to write certain stories. I've talked with others who have found healing and peace through the exploration of putting their story into words. My books have always taught me many important things, and often serve a s a mirror to my viewpoint and imperfections. When writing The Map Across Time, I was startled when I realized Adin and Aletha, twins, together made up my whole personality, but apart reflected the disjointedness I often suffered. The eyes of my heart are often enlightened. My prayer is for all writers to experience such growth and insight as they tell their stories.
So, I'm taking it slowly. My past response to trauma and conflict in my family has always been stupor. After a big fight, all I could do was curl up in a small dark space and sleep. My mind would go numb and I found it difficult to think of anything at all. So, I encounter this strange haze I must fight to write this book. Not only is it huge in scope, theme, and plot, but my heart goal is to explore betrayal, of which I am the foremost expert (I say with undaunted confidence), and somehow make this story resound in grace and redemption.
I think I've grown beyond anger and the desire to retaliate. I think I've been blessed with a forgiving spirit, in answer to my prayers. I didn't choose to write this book--God woke me up at 3 a.m. a month ago (after praying for days about what to write next. I really wanted to get back to talking pigs and hoptoads, but God knows the plans he has for me.) When I woke, I saw clearly my first chapter--everything in it--the themes, the subthemes, the setting, the protagonist (me, mostly), and the title of the book.
Conundrums are brain teasers, puzzles. My brothers and I spent years quizzing and challenging each other to solve these strange scenarios that made no sense. Clearly, I couldn't have picked a more apropos title (thank you, Father!) for the insoluble mystery surrounding my father's death. For how can someone just decide one day to die, and give himself leukemia? But that is one of the stories I was told after my father died at age 33, leaving my mother to raise three small children. I was later told he--a mathematician at Lockheed--had for some reason volunteered for a dangerous experiment. Supposedly others in his department had volunteered and they all died shortly thereafter of leukemia.
It wasn't until this year that I started questioning and researching. Which led me to reconnect with my uncle--my father's only blood brother--to learn more. He never heard of such an experiment, and was close to my father. He sent me an enigmatic letter my dad had written before he died, revealing that the fairy tale marriage between my parents was a sham and a cause of great pain for him. Of course, Lockheed and the government tell me no such experiments took place. But as I prepare to fly out to NY this month to see my uncle and cousin and learn all I can about my father (of whom I know almost nothing), I've turned this personal history into a mystery that will find no clear solution, because real life is like that. Everyone in this book either lies or has been lied to. And although my protagonist wants to save her suicidal brother with truth from their past, she finds she can only save herself, and by the skin of her teeth.
So, this inner and outer journey blurs the line of truth for me as I weave fact into fiction. On this side of Paradise, I doubt I will ever know the truth. I hope someday I will be reunited with the father I never knew--and then I will hear his story. For now, my hope is that I will produce a book that will help others who have been betrayed by their family, reveal something about bipolar depression, and pray that something redemptive will rise from the ashes of my own pain.
Sometimes I wonder why God moves us to write certain stories. I've talked with others who have found healing and peace through the exploration of putting their story into words. My books have always taught me many important things, and often serve a s a mirror to my viewpoint and imperfections. When writing The Map Across Time, I was startled when I realized Adin and Aletha, twins, together made up my whole personality, but apart reflected the disjointedness I often suffered. The eyes of my heart are often enlightened. My prayer is for all writers to experience such growth and insight as they tell their stories.
Friday, April 10, 2009
More on K-Pax-Exploring Themes in Writing
I'm organizing ideas for my new novel, and up until now, felt a little lost, undertaking such a big idea. I received a handout in Davis Bunn's fiction workshop and one sentence really struck me. That we have to know our theme before tackling our work. That was easy with Someone to Blame (bet you can't guess the theme!). I'm big on themes--every movie I love has an underlying theme, be it Strictly Ballroom, The Three Amigos (remember the El Guapo speech Steve Martin gives at the end!), or Ever After.
But some themes don't come clear until you search for them. What's the theme in K-Pax? It's not about whether Prot comes from another planet or not. The protagonist of this film is Dr. Mark Powell, and his problem is his disconnect to his family. Throughout the movie, we explore the dynamics of his family--his alienation from his son, his distance from his wife, even his disconnect from his "family" of patients. As he uncovers the truth about Prot and the story behind Robert Porter and the horrific loss of family he underwent, we watch Mark come to the shocking realization that family is more precious than anything. He knows that Prot chose him, and wonders why. But we, the audience, know exactly why.
Dr. Powell undergoes a tremendous transformation and we cheer him on. Of course, there are other beautiful themes in the movie. My heart aches just thinking about Bess and how Prot noticed this invisible woman in the nut ward. There is so much about Jesus in this movie in metaphor. He tells Ernie to watch for the bluebird of happiness--that is his task--which Dr. Powell scoffs at. Yet, the actual physical bluebird shows up outside the window. To Howie, this is all he needs. It may only be a bird to Dr. Powell, but to Howie, it is a confirmation of his faith and a gift to his integrity. Big themes.
I thought my new book, Conundrum, would be about betrayal. For it will be gruellingly filled with lies and treachery. But the moment I sat down to brainstorm this theme, I filled a whole page with this: truth and lies. Searching for truth: it might not be found--is that okay? Truths differ from person to person. The need for truth differs from person to person. Sometimes it's better NOT to search for truth--who gets hurt in the process? What if you can't tell the truth from lies--does it matter? To whom? Do you have to get to the truth to find peace--or is there something more important? Does confessing truth bring more liberation than finding it? If you are truthful to yourself, does it matter if everyone you love lies? Or that your life is founded on a lie?
Where'd all that come from? I find exploring theme when starting a book opens magical doors. It seeps into character and plot and twists motives. Sure, there will be subthemes that play along, but when you know your theme and you feel its truth validated in your heart as you begin your story, you have your foundation. I was reminded of Vida Winter, the old author character in The Thirteenth Tale. She had told lies her whole life, but needed to tell the truth before she died. It was her greatest feat of accomplishment--getting deep and honest with herself, a place that terrified her. A beautiful book.
Next time you watch a great movie, think about the theme. It may not be obvious, but once you figure it out, it will glare at you like a blinking neon sign. But my recommendation to writers is this: search deep in your heart, if you want to tell a powerful story, and find the themes that resonate. Don't tell a story that means nothing to you--the reader will sense it and it will meaning nothing to her. In the movie Rich and Famous (if memory serves me) the lead character says, "If your writing doesn't keep you up nights, it won't keep anyone else up, either. That has stuck with me for decades in my writing journey. The more heart you put into your story, the more you will touch hearts. The more wrenched yours is as you write, the more likely you will wrench some of your readers' hearts. Even my fantasy books make me weep. I don't know how to write anything that doesn't tear me apart at some point. Yet, the process is very healing. My goal: to break hearts and heal them, all in one fell swoop. I hope God will give me the gift to do this for others through my writing.
But some themes don't come clear until you search for them. What's the theme in K-Pax? It's not about whether Prot comes from another planet or not. The protagonist of this film is Dr. Mark Powell, and his problem is his disconnect to his family. Throughout the movie, we explore the dynamics of his family--his alienation from his son, his distance from his wife, even his disconnect from his "family" of patients. As he uncovers the truth about Prot and the story behind Robert Porter and the horrific loss of family he underwent, we watch Mark come to the shocking realization that family is more precious than anything. He knows that Prot chose him, and wonders why. But we, the audience, know exactly why.
Dr. Powell undergoes a tremendous transformation and we cheer him on. Of course, there are other beautiful themes in the movie. My heart aches just thinking about Bess and how Prot noticed this invisible woman in the nut ward. There is so much about Jesus in this movie in metaphor. He tells Ernie to watch for the bluebird of happiness--that is his task--which Dr. Powell scoffs at. Yet, the actual physical bluebird shows up outside the window. To Howie, this is all he needs. It may only be a bird to Dr. Powell, but to Howie, it is a confirmation of his faith and a gift to his integrity. Big themes.
I thought my new book, Conundrum, would be about betrayal. For it will be gruellingly filled with lies and treachery. But the moment I sat down to brainstorm this theme, I filled a whole page with this: truth and lies. Searching for truth: it might not be found--is that okay? Truths differ from person to person. The need for truth differs from person to person. Sometimes it's better NOT to search for truth--who gets hurt in the process? What if you can't tell the truth from lies--does it matter? To whom? Do you have to get to the truth to find peace--or is there something more important? Does confessing truth bring more liberation than finding it? If you are truthful to yourself, does it matter if everyone you love lies? Or that your life is founded on a lie?
Where'd all that come from? I find exploring theme when starting a book opens magical doors. It seeps into character and plot and twists motives. Sure, there will be subthemes that play along, but when you know your theme and you feel its truth validated in your heart as you begin your story, you have your foundation. I was reminded of Vida Winter, the old author character in The Thirteenth Tale. She had told lies her whole life, but needed to tell the truth before she died. It was her greatest feat of accomplishment--getting deep and honest with herself, a place that terrified her. A beautiful book.
Next time you watch a great movie, think about the theme. It may not be obvious, but once you figure it out, it will glare at you like a blinking neon sign. But my recommendation to writers is this: search deep in your heart, if you want to tell a powerful story, and find the themes that resonate. Don't tell a story that means nothing to you--the reader will sense it and it will meaning nothing to her. In the movie Rich and Famous (if memory serves me) the lead character says, "If your writing doesn't keep you up nights, it won't keep anyone else up, either. That has stuck with me for decades in my writing journey. The more heart you put into your story, the more you will touch hearts. The more wrenched yours is as you write, the more likely you will wrench some of your readers' hearts. Even my fantasy books make me weep. I don't know how to write anything that doesn't tear me apart at some point. Yet, the process is very healing. My goal: to break hearts and heal them, all in one fell swoop. I hope God will give me the gift to do this for others through my writing.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Zondervan Contract and Playing Dominoes in Prison with Joseph
I'm not one to blog much about strictly personal things. My site is more for exploring God, writing, and fantasy. But after twenty years of submitting agented work to publishers, God has kindly dropped a book contract in my hands. It's funny to reflect on this. I had just finished the second fantasy book in my series when I went to ACFW and chatted with Jim Bell. "Jim, I'm going to take your mentor clinic at Mount Hermon in the spring. Whoops--I don't really have anything suspenseful to share." So, I got the idea to write a psychological suspense for CBA (the other contemporary books were ones I'd written years ago for the commercial market). But I had an idea brewing.
I wrote one novel loosely based on Agatha Christie's "Ten Little Indians" (also sometimes called "Then There Were None"). I thought it might be a great trademark to take her novels and twist then. So my next obvious choice was "Murder on the Orient Express." I wanted to set it in a small town with people quick to blame and distrust a newcomer. I originally planned to make Billy Thurber really evil, but as I wrote, I kept feeling he was redeemable. I won't give away the plot, but I will say that evolved into more than a story just about how quick we are to judge, weaving in themes of faith, hope, security, and forgiveness. So that's how Someone to Blame was born.
Since writing STB, I've gone back to fantasy, finishing book three in the series and book one in my new YA sci-fi time-travelling-camo-alien-dog adventure. Okay, sorry, I didn't warn you about that. After Madeline L'Engle died, I spoke to so many people who had read A Wrinkle in Time and loved it. I read it as a child, when it first came out, and my daughters read it when they were young. I wrote Time Sniffers as a tribute to that book. It has some similar but different elements, and for an older audience and chock-full of science and physics trivia. (Take a look at the sample chapters on my Web site.) Just think of "The Breakfast Club" meets "The Philadelphia Experiment," and throw in some Star Trek and the movie "Dragonfly." I bet you can't tell me what the lowest note in the universe is. Hint--it comes from a black hole in the Perseus Galaxy.
So, I am so humbled, thrilled, and beside myself (yes, that's me, standing over there across the room!) Here I was writing fantasy and God yanked me aside and said. Oh, BTW, I have a completely different book for you to write (which was so much fun) and then you can go back to fantasy where you belong! (Go to your corner and sit on a toadstool!) I am plotting out my ninth novel, which is a commercial psychological contemporary mystery, but I do have four more books in the fantasy series and an untold number in Time Sniffers to write.
So, for any of you who are frustrated and depressed that you are not published yet, I say, try to enjoy the writing journey while you sit in your prison alongside Joseph. I always pictured myself playing dominoes with him, hoping Pharaoh would hear about our predicament. You know the rest of the story. In God's due time--perfect time--after Joseph spent two years wondering what was going on and why God set him on this path, Joseph was remembered and brought out of prison to do great work. I believe God wanted to give him a season of testing, but also teach him patience and trust in Him. (He did have a bit of a cocky attitude back there with his snazzy coat.) So I think God needed to do some work in him. I know for a fact He did with me. It took me twenty years to get out of jail, but I did have something Joseph didn't have-- a window looking out at the world. Through it, I watched and learned all I could about this writing life and, more importantly, this godly life that includes seasons of uncertainty, of feelings of abandonment. God is good. That's what you learn.
I love it that in the Bible God doesn't say, "I have plans for you." God says, "I KNOW the plans I have for you." This nuance is so huge to me. This means he not only has the plans, but knows He has the plans. Now, that may seem silly, since God knows everything. But, it's just that HE wants us to know that He knows. And that is very reassuring to me.
I wrote one novel loosely based on Agatha Christie's "Ten Little Indians" (also sometimes called "Then There Were None"). I thought it might be a great trademark to take her novels and twist then. So my next obvious choice was "Murder on the Orient Express." I wanted to set it in a small town with people quick to blame and distrust a newcomer. I originally planned to make Billy Thurber really evil, but as I wrote, I kept feeling he was redeemable. I won't give away the plot, but I will say that evolved into more than a story just about how quick we are to judge, weaving in themes of faith, hope, security, and forgiveness. So that's how Someone to Blame was born.
Since writing STB, I've gone back to fantasy, finishing book three in the series and book one in my new YA sci-fi time-travelling-camo-alien-dog adventure. Okay, sorry, I didn't warn you about that. After Madeline L'Engle died, I spoke to so many people who had read A Wrinkle in Time and loved it. I read it as a child, when it first came out, and my daughters read it when they were young. I wrote Time Sniffers as a tribute to that book. It has some similar but different elements, and for an older audience and chock-full of science and physics trivia. (Take a look at the sample chapters on my Web site.) Just think of "The Breakfast Club" meets "The Philadelphia Experiment," and throw in some Star Trek and the movie "Dragonfly." I bet you can't tell me what the lowest note in the universe is. Hint--it comes from a black hole in the Perseus Galaxy.
So, I am so humbled, thrilled, and beside myself (yes, that's me, standing over there across the room!) Here I was writing fantasy and God yanked me aside and said. Oh, BTW, I have a completely different book for you to write (which was so much fun) and then you can go back to fantasy where you belong! (Go to your corner and sit on a toadstool!) I am plotting out my ninth novel, which is a commercial psychological contemporary mystery, but I do have four more books in the fantasy series and an untold number in Time Sniffers to write.
So, for any of you who are frustrated and depressed that you are not published yet, I say, try to enjoy the writing journey while you sit in your prison alongside Joseph. I always pictured myself playing dominoes with him, hoping Pharaoh would hear about our predicament. You know the rest of the story. In God's due time--perfect time--after Joseph spent two years wondering what was going on and why God set him on this path, Joseph was remembered and brought out of prison to do great work. I believe God wanted to give him a season of testing, but also teach him patience and trust in Him. (He did have a bit of a cocky attitude back there with his snazzy coat.) So I think God needed to do some work in him. I know for a fact He did with me. It took me twenty years to get out of jail, but I did have something Joseph didn't have-- a window looking out at the world. Through it, I watched and learned all I could about this writing life and, more importantly, this godly life that includes seasons of uncertainty, of feelings of abandonment. God is good. That's what you learn.
I love it that in the Bible God doesn't say, "I have plans for you." God says, "I KNOW the plans I have for you." This nuance is so huge to me. This means he not only has the plans, but knows He has the plans. Now, that may seem silly, since God knows everything. But, it's just that HE wants us to know that He knows. And that is very reassuring to me.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Get on your dancin' shoes and praise the Lord!
I don't often write in my blog, but I put on my favorite Yes song: Onward (the lyrics are on the left side bar of my blog.) This song is my prayer. The words are simple. When we were living up in the snow, I kept praying to God to lead us to a church where people really praised God--not just halfheartedly sang along with corny cowboy praise songs. No offense, everyone has a different style and taste in music. But Maranatha Christian Center believes wholeheartedly that when the Bible says so shout to the Lord, clap your hands in joy, sing your heart out to God with a song in your heart, dance and play your instruments, they mean it! You get on your feet annd clap and cry and sing out to God with all your heart. No one tells you when to do it, or that you should sit down. I always feel like I'm in school, when people up at a podium say "Now you can sit, now let's all stand."
I picture King David dancing and leaping around dressed only in his undergarments, all because he couldn't stop loving on God. His wife, Michal, watched on in embarrassment, ashamed for him. All she could see was that he was making a fool of himself in front of the people he ruled. The Bible says her response to his behavior caused her to "despise him in her heart (2 Samuel 6:16). But David chastised her, saying he danced to the Lord and would not relent.
I can just picture his face, his incredulity. No one--not even his wife--was going to take away his joy. He knew the joy of the Lord was his strength. The first time we went to Maranatha, I though: Never in my life had I ever been in a room with so many people so joyful over what God was doing for them. These are not people who are well-off, sitting back on their laurels, and enjoying the prosperity gospel so popular today. These are people who've seen the bottom and the hard knocks of Satan's onslaughts. They know who gets them out of bed each day and helps them face life without fear and bondage. And they praise God for each day they make it through in faith without stumbling. I'd never been so loved up and hugged in such a short span of time. It took my breath away. I left that first afternoon with tears in my eyes. I felt like God had given me a vision of Paradise--that I had been allowed into the courtyard of his worshippers and I felt so unworthy. It was a very humbling experience--to know I had been missing this kind of gratitude and opportunity to shout my praise to God.
God answered our prayers. We had a list of churches we'd planned to visit. This was only number two on the list. When we left church after that first service, we looked at each other. I hemmed a bit, since we'd agreed to go church shopping, but I just had to hint. "Hon, I really like this church. I mean really." Lee smiled and I knew just what he was thinking too.
God made it so clear. We have never felt at home at any church. Sure, we'd attending some nice places with some friendly people and with pastors that gave some good sermons. But we never fit in or felt right. But more than that, God's presence is so palpable in that place. The church invites Him in, and He shows up with a passion for His people. I just praise God for moving us hundreds of miles and leading us to this place that feels like home. I feel like I've come home after years of wandering and my soul is nourished. God knew what we needed, knew we needed a place where we could find Him and face Him straight on, no roundabout meandering paths. Just the Highway of Holiness stretched out clear and unhindered.
Thank you, Father, for taking our hands and leading us through that door. Surely your spirit is in that place. If you ever wanted to know what the angels sound like in heaven when they sing and praise God, just come visit Maranatha Christian Center in San Jose, CA. Or better yet, join on in.
I picture King David dancing and leaping around dressed only in his undergarments, all because he couldn't stop loving on God. His wife, Michal, watched on in embarrassment, ashamed for him. All she could see was that he was making a fool of himself in front of the people he ruled. The Bible says her response to his behavior caused her to "despise him in her heart (2 Samuel 6:16). But David chastised her, saying he danced to the Lord and would not relent.
I can just picture his face, his incredulity. No one--not even his wife--was going to take away his joy. He knew the joy of the Lord was his strength. The first time we went to Maranatha, I though: Never in my life had I ever been in a room with so many people so joyful over what God was doing for them. These are not people who are well-off, sitting back on their laurels, and enjoying the prosperity gospel so popular today. These are people who've seen the bottom and the hard knocks of Satan's onslaughts. They know who gets them out of bed each day and helps them face life without fear and bondage. And they praise God for each day they make it through in faith without stumbling. I'd never been so loved up and hugged in such a short span of time. It took my breath away. I left that first afternoon with tears in my eyes. I felt like God had given me a vision of Paradise--that I had been allowed into the courtyard of his worshippers and I felt so unworthy. It was a very humbling experience--to know I had been missing this kind of gratitude and opportunity to shout my praise to God.
God answered our prayers. We had a list of churches we'd planned to visit. This was only number two on the list. When we left church after that first service, we looked at each other. I hemmed a bit, since we'd agreed to go church shopping, but I just had to hint. "Hon, I really like this church. I mean really." Lee smiled and I knew just what he was thinking too.
God made it so clear. We have never felt at home at any church. Sure, we'd attending some nice places with some friendly people and with pastors that gave some good sermons. But we never fit in or felt right. But more than that, God's presence is so palpable in that place. The church invites Him in, and He shows up with a passion for His people. I just praise God for moving us hundreds of miles and leading us to this place that feels like home. I feel like I've come home after years of wandering and my soul is nourished. God knew what we needed, knew we needed a place where we could find Him and face Him straight on, no roundabout meandering paths. Just the Highway of Holiness stretched out clear and unhindered.
Thank you, Father, for taking our hands and leading us through that door. Surely your spirit is in that place. If you ever wanted to know what the angels sound like in heaven when they sing and praise God, just come visit Maranatha Christian Center in San Jose, CA. Or better yet, join on in.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
K-Pax and Christ
In my new Time Sniffers series, I'm creating a reality where there are millions of inhabited worlds in the galaxy. I spun off of C. S Lewis's "Out of the Silent Planet," with the idea the Earth, when originally exposed to the evil influence of dark energy infiltrating the galaxy (it makes up 74 percent of what's "out there," but no one knows what it is), quickly fell to evil's power. I then wondered--since humans did fall fast and hard in the Garden and have suffered a type of spiritual blindness, wandering lost ever since--what if there were other worlds that had also been unable to resist evil? I imagined them as "shadow worlds," whereas many other worlds, more resilient to evil and not in shadow, would exist with truth and clarity as commonplace.
I love the movie K-Pax. If you haven't seen it at least five times, you are really missing something. It is the consummate story of freedom from fear in all its aspects. Prot, from K-Pax, is truly messianic in the way he leads others to healing--not by a miraculous touch, though, but by showing each one their fear and the reality that they don't need to be afraid. Howie, Ernie, Bess--all the characters on the nut ward--are terrified of something--of dying, of dirt, of smells, of being touched. And Prot gets them to understand why they are afraid and why they don't need to be. The healing and wholeness follows.
In one place, Prot is explaining to the psychiatrist, Dr. Mark Powell, about his world and how they don't need jails and punishment, or laws to regulate behavior. Powell asks, "well then, how does one know what is right and wrong on K-Pax?" Prot gives an astute answer: "Every being in the universe knows what's right and wrong, Dr. Powell." Powell: "What? No crime, brutality, no violence on K-Pax?" Prot answers, "You humans. sometimes it's hard to imagine how you've made it this far."
What if other shadow worlds existed, like ours, in ignorance, denial of truth, and fear? And what if millions of other worlds did not fall into shadow, but remained in "the light" of truth, resisting temptation and remaining true to God? Then you would have two types of worlds out there.
I tie in the fear element because Paul wrote how humans are in bondage to fear, that because of the Devil, we have been enslaved to fear of death. That only the truth through Jesus sets us free, as he stated, "If the Son sets you free, you are truly free." Freedom is more than the right to express yourself and live without tyranny. The fear here spoken of goes way deeper--to our very hearts. For once we understand we have been set free from death, since Christ was victorious over death, we do not have to live in bondage to fear, for we have an undefiled, imperishable, and unfading inheritance waiting for us, regardless of what happens to us in this life. Maybe a person wouldn't risk running out in front of a car to save someone, fearful they would die. But if they knew of their eternal inheritance awaiting them, wouldn't that change their point of view? Perhaps they'd be willing to risk death to save another. And we have Jesus' own example of giving his life so we might live. The Bible says perhaps someone might dare to die for a good person, but God recommends his own love for us in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
These may seem like disparate musings, but my brain stirs up all kinds of ideas when I'm writing a book. I've always tended to think that we humans just might be the only creatures in existence that don't really know right from wrong, as Prot claims. We see the result of six thousand years of humans determining right from wrong. We live in shadow. As Paul also wrote, we see through a glass darkly, in part, obscured. We, on this shadow world, need light, and that light came in the form of a messenger sent by God. No, not Prot, but Jesus. And his healing is not just spiritual and emotional, but total and everlasting.
I do know that dark energy is not responsible for all the evil in the universe, but it, to me, symbolizes the pervasive aura of evil generated by the original act of disobedience that spread sin to all mankind. It is like a dark energy, and it does influence us tremendously. So I use it as a metaphor, and when the rip in time blows open, the deleterious effects of that energy wreak havoc on the shadow worlds already entrenched in evil. Just a fun, adventure series for young adults! You can read the first few chapters back on my Web site under "fantasy."
I love the movie K-Pax. If you haven't seen it at least five times, you are really missing something. It is the consummate story of freedom from fear in all its aspects. Prot, from K-Pax, is truly messianic in the way he leads others to healing--not by a miraculous touch, though, but by showing each one their fear and the reality that they don't need to be afraid. Howie, Ernie, Bess--all the characters on the nut ward--are terrified of something--of dying, of dirt, of smells, of being touched. And Prot gets them to understand why they are afraid and why they don't need to be. The healing and wholeness follows.
In one place, Prot is explaining to the psychiatrist, Dr. Mark Powell, about his world and how they don't need jails and punishment, or laws to regulate behavior. Powell asks, "well then, how does one know what is right and wrong on K-Pax?" Prot gives an astute answer: "Every being in the universe knows what's right and wrong, Dr. Powell." Powell: "What? No crime, brutality, no violence on K-Pax?" Prot answers, "You humans. sometimes it's hard to imagine how you've made it this far."
What if other shadow worlds existed, like ours, in ignorance, denial of truth, and fear? And what if millions of other worlds did not fall into shadow, but remained in "the light" of truth, resisting temptation and remaining true to God? Then you would have two types of worlds out there.
I tie in the fear element because Paul wrote how humans are in bondage to fear, that because of the Devil, we have been enslaved to fear of death. That only the truth through Jesus sets us free, as he stated, "If the Son sets you free, you are truly free." Freedom is more than the right to express yourself and live without tyranny. The fear here spoken of goes way deeper--to our very hearts. For once we understand we have been set free from death, since Christ was victorious over death, we do not have to live in bondage to fear, for we have an undefiled, imperishable, and unfading inheritance waiting for us, regardless of what happens to us in this life. Maybe a person wouldn't risk running out in front of a car to save someone, fearful they would die. But if they knew of their eternal inheritance awaiting them, wouldn't that change their point of view? Perhaps they'd be willing to risk death to save another. And we have Jesus' own example of giving his life so we might live. The Bible says perhaps someone might dare to die for a good person, but God recommends his own love for us in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
These may seem like disparate musings, but my brain stirs up all kinds of ideas when I'm writing a book. I've always tended to think that we humans just might be the only creatures in existence that don't really know right from wrong, as Prot claims. We see the result of six thousand years of humans determining right from wrong. We live in shadow. As Paul also wrote, we see through a glass darkly, in part, obscured. We, on this shadow world, need light, and that light came in the form of a messenger sent by God. No, not Prot, but Jesus. And his healing is not just spiritual and emotional, but total and everlasting.
I do know that dark energy is not responsible for all the evil in the universe, but it, to me, symbolizes the pervasive aura of evil generated by the original act of disobedience that spread sin to all mankind. It is like a dark energy, and it does influence us tremendously. So I use it as a metaphor, and when the rip in time blows open, the deleterious effects of that energy wreak havoc on the shadow worlds already entrenched in evil. Just a fun, adventure series for young adults! You can read the first few chapters back on my Web site under "fantasy."
Friday, January 2, 2009
Quotables
I thought I'd take a break from all the heavy thinking I'm doing while writing Time Sniffers and share some hilarious quotes. Thinking about matter, dark energy, and time travel has got my brain spinning. You'd be surprised at some of the strangely funny things famous people have said. Let's start with Isaac Asimov:
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.
And here's some from Einstein:
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater. [sorry, but I don't buy that one!]
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
And from physicist Richard Feynman:
If I could explain it to the average person, I wouldn't have been worth the Nobel Prize.
The first principle is that you must not fool yourself and you are the easiest person to fool.
I believe that a scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy.
You can see, now, why I'm getting little writing done--having so much fun researching physics and reading all these very deep theoretical quotes from the great minds of the world. :)
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.
And here's some from Einstein:
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater. [sorry, but I don't buy that one!]
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
And from physicist Richard Feynman:
If I could explain it to the average person, I wouldn't have been worth the Nobel Prize.
The first principle is that you must not fool yourself and you are the easiest person to fool.
I believe that a scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy.
You can see, now, why I'm getting little writing done--having so much fun researching physics and reading all these very deep theoretical quotes from the great minds of the world. :)
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